What kind of hot girl?

A while back (and thus my second-to-last entry here) I wrote about how facebook was advertising dating sites where I could meet men, and christian women. A few minutes ago, I was given an ad for "hot white girls." Now, while I've got nothing against white women, um...

I said I wouldn't want to date a woman who signed up for a dating site specifically for "Christian" singles. And that goes double for the ones who sign up for a dating site specifically for "white" singles. Hell, it goes triple.

Double is reserved for when I see a website for "Conservative/Republican" singles.

A Few Things

1. So, I started my first job a couple weeks ago. It's not as soul-crushing as I was worried it'd be. And given my expenses over this summer, it's pretty good pay. The thing is, I'm working at a country store, otherwise known as "a supermarket for rural Maine." Pretty much the only thing that's depressing about it are the people who come in to buy lottery tickets. According to a study that was quoted to my class by a college professor a while back, Mainers have an absurd belief in the ability of the lottery to get them any money. And it is shocking to see how many people actually do buy lottery tickets in absurd amounts. It's doubly shocking how many people will win small sums of money, usually under ten dollars, and use all of that money to buy more lottery tickets. Quite often, they'll buy more lottery tickets than they won money for. I'd argue that I've seen more people lose more money on the lottery than on their cigarette addictions.
2. Also, in regards to my work, I had a dream a couple of nights ago where I was working the register at the store, and it was pitch-black, except for a small square of light where the window was. I could vaguely see an approximation of the workstation in the dark. I started walking around to find a lightswitch. At some point in here, I actually woke up, but didn't realize it. I'd apparently been sleepwalking in my room. Or, rather, sleep-standing, since my dream-reality hadn't given me any reason to move.
3. I'm kind of shocked at the amount of people who have been combing through Barack Obama's life for any hint of racism against white people. I'm not a fan of racism, but I guarantee none of these people have been nearly so careful about disowning any politician with connections to white racism.
4. I'm also kind of shocked at the amount of feminists who are acting like Hilary Clinton was their last shot ever at having a woman president. Now, I've occasionally fretted that the world was going to end in 2012, in more impressionable days, but, honestly, if the Obama presidency goes well, there should at least be space in the history books for at least one more full, two-term presidency after him. Probably more than that, even. Way more than that. Speaking as the son of a strong, female politician (albeit local), I know that there is still plenty of room for a strong female politician to make a stand on the national stage, but I just felt right about Obama. Hell, my mom even felt right about Obama.

Ads

So, I'm on my facebook account, and there's always an ad to the left showing something. Quite often, it is some kind of dating service.

Occasionally, it also shows an advertisement for some way to watch Bleach, so I think it must be something designed to customize itself to what's on my profile.

Then again, more often than not, when it shows a dating service, it's for gay people, accompanied by a shirtless guy. Which actually doesn't strike me as completely out of step, considering that a key part of my profile is that I go to Emerson.

What makes me think "this is completely wrong" is the new dating service that's been showing up lately for Christian singles. Yes, it shows a woman, which is accurate, but damn it if they didn't mess up the second-biggest thing I don't want; a woman who would go to a Christian dating site. I don't mind Christians themselves, there are plenty of good ones. I just don't like the ones who feel that they can't go on anonymous internet dates without putting their faith first and foremost.

I'm actually more comfortable around a shirtless dude.

I wish

I wish that, every time I opened a door, there was a better-than-zero chance that it wouldn't open to the right place. Like, if I opened the door to my bedroom, there was a slim chance that the other side would not be my bedroom, but somewhere else.

And I'm not talking just on Earth, either. I'm talking some kind of multiversal mix-up, where I'd end up with a door to, say, a bathroom in some universe where cats grew to be the dominant species.

Okay, maybe not precisely that, but the idea is that I could end up in completely alien worlds just by opening the same goddamn door I've opened twenty times today. Of course, it wouldn't be huge odds. I mean, considering how many doors there are everywhere, in order to go anywhere, it'd have to be something like a 0.1% chance, but that's good enough odds for it to happen at least a couple of times a month, if you think about just how many doors one opens in a single day.

There would have to be a few caveats to this ability, mind you. For instance, the connection would have to be reset if I closed the door. Leaving open portals between universes could end up being very bad, and it would be very inconvenient for the people who want to use the door normally.

For another, there would have to be a method of getting back to one's home universe. Maybe not to the specific spot that the person first left, at least without some serious work. It shouldn't be too easy, seeing as whoever uses this ability has to go through the doorway and close it before they end up losing that initial portal. But it's still possible to do that and not know what you're doing, so it shouldn't be impossible for all but the most dedicated.

There would probably also have to be some kind of separation rule between the multiverses, so someone wouldn't be constantly meeting alternate-reality versions of themselves, and also because I wish this precisely because I don't want to end up in a reality that could be mistaken for this one. However, it obviously can't be a completely different universe where, say, no one uses doors.

Which brings me to how the doors open, because obviously, you can't have a door open on one side that has a massive size discrepancy with the door on the other side. Like, a massive city gate vs. a closet door. So when the door is opened, it has to match size and shape with the door on the other side. However, they shouldn't have to match position, because that would make it impossible to find a way home. Because you're not only matching latitude and longitude, but also altitude. Matching door size and shape is actually much better, as it's a lot easier to judge whether a particular door will lead toward or away from a particular world.

Okay, so I'm a little weird, but this has been in my head for a little while. It kind of ties in with other stuff I've been thinking about, too, which never helps when I get a weird idea. Plus, this idea is literally the best thing that's happened to me for the past few days. Kind of a cross between me being a shithead, and shit falling on me from afar.

Okay, mostly just me being a shithead. And that always makes me feel like shit.

Brawling

So I've got Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and I really want to play it right now, but my tv is in use.

Granted, I did play it for like six straight hours earlier today, but it's just not enough.

I'm not sure what I should be doing next. I haven't even done the Subspace Emissary bit, though I'd like to see how many characters I can unlock without that, and then I can go in and take care of that.

I've also got only a few more custom stages to make before I've got all the stage builder parts. And the one I really want is in that final set. But I've got some awesome stages. A couple aren't terribly remarkable, though they have potential.

By the way

I don't know if anyone's actually read this, but I forgot to mention something cool that happened last Thursday.

Basically, I've got a Comedy writing class, which is basically like a primer in how to do a sketch comedy show. Anyway, I've basically been trying really hard in this class because I really feel like it's something I need to do for myself.

Now, the thing is, not everyone can have one of their own sketches in the final show, because that would be too cluttered, though obviously everyone's expected to do a little work on something or other. But only a few sketches can actually be picked.

So, anyway, one of the first selections, by overwhelming votes, was one that I'd written. And I have to say, it's pretty damn good.

I've also apparently been the first person definitively cast in a particular role. I mean, I know who I want to cast in the one I wrote, and a couple of the other sketches have consistently been read well by volunteers, but I'm the only one that has unanimously been cast by the entire class in a particular sketch.

I need to keep reminding myself of this because right now it's the best thing I've got going for me.

Surprisingly

I have no regrets about how drunk I got last night.

Seriously, it was probably the happiest I've been to be sitting around doing nothing in quite a long time. I'm not sure when that last time was, but I know I've occasionally enjoyed sitting at home, alone, doing absolutely nothing, while completely sober.

Just not a lot lately.

Anyway, I managed to get past the problem in my story that I was rambling about last night. Right now, it's all about the order of events that I've got to work on. I don't quite know how I'm going to get my characters from point A to point B (point A being a plot point that should be coming up eventually, and B being the final confrontation).

I managed to remember my password

Is it strange that I manged to do that while so drunk that a bad pun is hilarious to me? Seriously, I couldn't remember that that last sentence needed to be ended with a question mark.

I also seem to be just sober enough that I can remember how to spell words properly.

But only just.

Seriously, I finished off a carton of sake before nine, and I probably shouldn't have. Except I'm actually feeling very happy right now, even though I'm not talking to anybody but my blog, and anybody who bothers to read it. Seriously, I am very drunk and if I had anywhere to go, I should not be allowed to drive.

What's impressing me is my restraint. Maybe, yes, I'm being a little bit drunk, and I nearly typed "drink" instead of "drunk" there solely because I lost my balance because I usually (even when sober) sit at my computer while balancing only on the back legs of my chair and this time I nearly lost my balance, but other than that, I'm keeping a surprisingly good track of my spelling on this.

Seriously, I might not even regret this while sober.

Also, could anybody help me with something? I've been writing a novel, the kind of thing that's been sitting inside of me, not just a writing project, but a real big deal. I'm involved in the characters. To the point, I'm in the minds of the characters. Which is really awesome, because even the smaller characters are really cool, and I'm really developing them.

The thing is, this is also my current weakness, as I'm stuck on a scene in which a character is unsure of what to do. You see, she's leading a space colony. Her government has a form of the "prime directive" from Star Trek, and you can wikipedia it if you don't know, but anyway, it turns out her son hasn't violated it, but a species that should otherwise be left alone has violated it, by contacting her son. Also, this story is kind of a counterpart of other sci-fi stories, so sort of Darth Maul-type character is looking to take something from that same son.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Basically, there's a complicated political and security situation, and I'm not sure what my character needs to do. I know what she would do, though, which is feel confused until she realized she had to make a decision. She's very level-headed and always in favor of balance, as such and so on. I'm just not quite sure what decision she's going to make. And she's not going to make the wrong one, of trying to make sure the previous status quo (before her son was involved) is maintained, because she's not like that.

Anyway, please comment or respond if you read this if you've got some advice, or anything, and I'd say more, but I'm basically typing in a completely different universe than my brain is in, so I can't really risk saying much more right now.

Finally

Okay, so I'm a little bit drunk right now, finally. Granted, I'm still making about the same amount of errors as I would be sober, and almost entirely still from the way this thing registers the letters I type a second after I type it, rather than immediately. It's annoying, still.

But the good news is that I finally got to get my personal use alcohol, and got to use it. Unfortunately, I barely feel intoxicated. Seriously, I don't know if I'm just missing something about myself, or if I'm just more tolerant than some people. Seriously, in two days, I've downed most of a bottle of sake, and both evenings I've felt only a little bit less inhibited. In fact, I've been just as uninhibited while sober during both those days.

Also, I saw Be Kind Rewind today, and The Spiderwick Chronicles yesterday. Both of them made me feel good. Really good.

Anyway, the biggest news is that I finally discovered my "Captain Quasar" inspiration. I've had this concept kicking around in my head since senior year of high school, of a series of stories about the crew of a starship in a future that could be anything from Star Trek to Star Wars, with a little Firefly mixed in. The crew has always been about the same; the captain is a human dude, a sort of Kirk/Flash Gordon/Luke Skywalker/Han Solo/Spaceman Spiff guy. The pilot is a big amphibious alien brute-looking guy, except he's basically also Alan Rickman in Galaxy Quest in terms of his personality. The security officer is a hyperactive monkey-girl, who looks like she's barely old enough to go to school, and actually isn't, but is still able to kill you twelve different ways before you finish blinking. The chief engineer is a robot, though I've never been clear on what kind of robot, except that I've alternated between a masculine robot who is exceedingly stupid, and a feminine robot who constantly matches wits with the pilot. The primary villain is a nasty lizard-man who is the emperor of a Klingon-type empire.

Then something finally hit me while I was working on just trying to write a story earlier this week; I should do Macbeth in space. Now, I didn't finish with this idea, though it is a bit of what I do have right now. What struck me was that I could put my villain in the role of Macbeth. Not completely, but I could copy the two prophecies that Macbeth recieves, and manipulate them into this guy getting a prophecy from what turns out to be an ancient being who has found the trick to traversing the multiverse, and thus can travel through time or something.

Anyway, this was coupled with a worksheet I got for my Drama writing class, which detailed the mythic structure. Now, the key thing here was that I was having a lot of trouble developing the origin story of these characters, and for some reason I was having way too much trouble feeling comfortable with everything I came up with. I think the Macbeth thing, coupled with the mythic structure, gave me the idea that I could make the origin story into something that directly drew on classical sources, suddenly it clicked for me.

So now I've basically been able to write more than I usually can write on this particular project. I've got a plot that I can use, and feel comfortable writing. It's actually made me feel more goofy than any of the sake I've been drinking.

And that really makes me happy.

You know what?

I'm tired and lonely and I can't sleep and I really want to go make an appointment with the school counselor as soon as possible because talking to myself is not cutting it and I don't particularly want to talk to the people who know me because the people who know me well enough for me to think they'd understand me are the people I don't want to burden with my depression and the people who I'd feel comfortable unloading on are the people who would be most awkward in any help they could offer, and really, I just want to stop alternating between wild delusion and debilitating depression, because that's exactly what I'm constantly doing, and so far my writing is the only thing that's distracting me, and I can't be doing that all the time because sometimes I have to be thinking about what to write next, or thinking about what I'm going to do next in my life and I can't concentrate on any bit of writing that I have that's more than a couple pages long, and even though my biggest goal in life is to write a novel I get so depressed over outside forces that really have nothing to do with my writing that I stop, and really what I'd like to be able to do is to show what I'm working on to other people, and have them admire it honestly, rather than simply politely saying that it's good with me being unable to tell whether they meant it or not, because I just constantly feel like no one knows what I do, like every actual effort that I make tends to go unnoticed, and I feel like when I do pop out of the background it's not a positive, but that I'm sticking out like a sore thumb, which is really not nearly the kind of metaphor I'd want to use, but I needed to think of something because I think my roommate's preparing to go to bed and I really don't want to move my computer.

No More Heroes

So, for starters, I really want to see how quickly I can beat No More Heroes and get the "true ending" thing, which is apparently fairly easy. I'd be hesitant to look at spoilers, but every spoiler I read has not prepared me for the awesomeness of this game. The reviews have, but there's a big gap between looking at the information and actually seeing just how awesome it is.

That said, what was really weird was that the guy at Gamestop asked me for ID when I bought it. Just because there's near-nudity (no nipples shown, but the hot french woman who acts as your liaison to the assassin company does have a scene where they show almost every bit of her that could be shown on television), and because there are kind of huge amounts of gore. I've lost count of the times were I cut a guy in two, from the crotch up through the head.

Which would all make sense if anyone could actually mistake me for being under seventeen. I'm guessing this is all Jack Thompson's fault, though I couldn't tell you why.

So, anyway, met with some friends for the first time in too long over the weekend. We went and had dinner in the North End on Friday, and then on Saturday went to the Museum of Science. It was all very cool and I wish I could make it sound more interesting but I'm at a loss for words.

Also, I've started writing a novel. It's really weird. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing with it, but I've set up a bunch of strange things to go on, and more are on the way. I've even got characters that I don't quite understand yet. One of the major supporting characters is the Grim Reaper, except he's in disguise as a human being. Then something happens to confuse even him, and then I've got a character whose identity is completely a mystery who transfers a name of power that is so mysterious that I don't even know whose name it is yet.

It won't be Chthulhu. Or Amun/Ra/Amun-Ra. Or Yahweh. But it's got to belong to someone or something.

I keep waiting for tomorrow

Tomorrow, I plan to go to the Lost and Found and see if they've still got my bag. Hopefully, they have it. I really hope so.

Then I'm heading to Gamestop to buy No More Heroes, then possibly reserve a copy of SSBB. Then maybe get my first legally-bought, self-owned bottle of alcohol. I have no idea what it could be, and I definitely ought to buy some glasses for it, since I don't want to be drinking out of a dixie cup, but I'll find something.

Then, later, meet friends, and do shit.

*cynical thoughts about tomorrow*

You know, tomorrow would be the absolute perfect time for me to get as drunk as possible, and just sit alone in my room.

Might even lock the door just so my roommate doesn't come in and ruin my drunken reflection on why I'm an idiot when it comes to love.

Lucky for him, I won't have time to actually find anything worth drinking tomorrow. American Novel is really killing my free time. I can't even risk eating outside of my room, just because reading takes up all my time.

Meanwhile, I don't have much time tomorrow, because of all my classes. At least I don't have to do much homework, seeing as I already did the work for Poetry when class was cancelled, and there's no homework for Drama.

Wait, shit, a response to Pygmalion. Might have to read that or something. I don't know.

This is annoying. I really just want to go straight to the long weekend. Extra-long, actually. Friday off, and Monday off, and I'm actually in a weekend that's as long as my normal school week.

Meanwhile, I just want to write something down right now.

Don't dare imagine me in a pointy cardboard hat.

So, yeah, my birthday's just a few minutes over right now.

I've had three slices of cake, played several hours of Wii stuff, and completed the minimum amount of homework possible. I've also thanked everyone who wished me a happy birthday (I think), and I really wish I hadn't decided to do a blog post at this moment, but I felt I had to.

You know, this week is not going to let up for me. I've got large amounts of homework every day, a few bits that are just aren't going to get done at all unless I pick up the pace massively, and... well, thank anything that it's a long weekend.

I do have to say that I need to make a list of the pokemon I need to train in Pearl before they go back into Pokemon Battle Revolution. There are a bunch of good ones that are without any good moves because I stopped training them too early. One of the good ones is even without his signature move, so you know I'm on the ball. Hell, my Gyarados doesn't even have a water-type move.

This is mostly because I'd been planning on using him in a amateur pokemon league developed on an internet forum, wherein I'd be a gym leader using Water-types. Thus, my Gyarados would be facing foes developed in order to face off against it.

So instead of any water-type moves, I gave him a couple of Dragon moves and Earthquake. Though, to balance this out, I somehow ended up with an Alakazam that knows a pretty decent Electric move, so at least I've got something totally out of left field for my team.

Wow... I didn't realize I'd be sitting up blogging about my strategies in a pokemon game.

I can say one thing; I haven't been bored today. There have been a few bits that dragged a little, but overall I enjoyed my birthday this year. Even if I didn't get drunk. I mean, last year the big thing I did was sit around, and then do work on a class project. The year before... Okay, the year before I managed to get drunk, but that was literally everything that happened on my nineteenth birthday.

My eighteenth birthday did have an actual party with my friends. I still managed to be disappointed because the group wasn't larger, though I can honestly say that if I'd gone in that year with my attitude this year, I'd probably have been a lot happier about that small group of friends. Besides, that party started with me getting all bent out of shape internally because I'd invited the girl I had a crush on and she didn't show up, which is actually perfectly logical in hindsight, but somehow I'd expected her to show. I tried not to show anything and appreciate the people who came, though.

Let's face it, I'm a pretty bad friend. I'm a good friend only when I realize how bad a friend I'd be if I let myself be as self-absorbed as my instincts tell me to. When I don't remember that I'm not the absolute center of the universe, I'm a jackass.

I'd like to point out here that I'm not being depressed or angsty, just self-reflective. I'm too exhausted to be depressed (the more tired I get, the more emotionally neutral I become), and, well, angst is hard to come by when life is actually pretty good.

I'm going to stop writing so I can get to sleep now.

Because my day can't be summed up in a few words...

Okay, so my day's been hectic. Really hectic. I had fast food twice. In fact, I had a double cheeseburger, plain, with a diet coke for both lunch and dinner. The only difference was that one was McDonalds and the other was Wendy's.

It started when I was looking for the rest of the stuff I needed to complete my Wii before I went back to school. I went to Game Box and Best Buy, and then bought Wii points at Gamestop. That's three stores (if you're ever in Brunswick, Maine, go to Game Box for your video games. I'm pretty sure the guy who's always been at the cash register when I buy stuff there is the owner of the store, so that's the kind of personal touch it has).

I also went to Target before Gamestop because the other two stores didn't have Wii point cards. Target didn't have any, either.

So, anyway, I get home, and I have to make sure I'm packed before I head out to the Bowdoinham caucus. That means I don't get to play any of my new games, though I download a few. I'd say my library is pretty good right now. Anyway, I pack everything up before 4, and my dad drives me down (since we've got three cars, as I've mentioned before).

It's a blizzard, by the way. Not only a blizzard, but it's a huge crowd. Turns out a lot of people want to be in the caucus this year. It's that kind of year. Now, a bad sign right off the bat; just after I get into the building, so I can turn around and see what happens, the steps up to the town hall get covered in snow falling off the roof. A couple of people are nearly hit by the avalanche.

Anyway, the caucus is pretty uneventful until they get to the presidential stuff. A couple of people were crying as they stood up to talk about how Obama has moved them. I was planning to vote for Obama, but there was a pretty distinct disconnect between the type of people who stood up to say why they were voting for Obama and the people who stood up to talk about why they were voting for Clinton. Oh, and those two people who seemed like they were crying as they spoke were both grown men. One of whom was a veteran.

Meanwhile, the Clinton supporters displayed all the passion of a dead fish. Seriously, no passion at all. The only guy who stood up for her was trying desperately not to have any passion at all. That's pretty much what he said. He said that he didn't want a president who was like Bush in having the quality of "being a buddy to have a beer with," which is, I think, missing the point of the hope Obama brings.

I should probably stop, since I'm not a big political theorist, and besides, my vote counted today more than it will for the next few years. Seriously, I've got the option of voting in two elections in November (though I am only allowed to register in one of them, I can choose which one that is), but both of those states are pretty solidly blue. Which is nice, in theory, but it means that the only reason I'll be voting in November is so I feel like I've done something. I mean, if I didn't vote and a lot more people didn't vote, it could change things massively. So I vote to keep that status quo that I like.

And that sounds kind of bad if taken out of context.

Anyway, back to my story. Because there's more. Remember that blizzard? Well, right as everyone's gathered into their mobs of candidate support, the storm knocks out the power. In the entire town. To save time, energy, and to keep from having to count a huge mob of Obama supporters in the dark, the undecideds and such are asked to decide quickly, and the less-numerous Clinton supporters are counted, so the difference can be determined.

Then, in total darkness, both sides (okay, all four sides, since there were two towns having their caucus in the same building) chose their delegates. Unfortunately, there is a small detail I neglected to mention; my mom was chosen to organize the caucus. And since she was also an Obama supporter, she was a natural to start signing up delegates (the only vote we had on that was "all in favor of choosing whoever signs up so we aren't all standing around in the cold and dark for eternity." Literally). Since my brother wanted to be a delegate, and my dad tends to help out whenever he can, and I wasn't asked to do anything, I was standing around for quite a while after everyone left.

Anyway...

Okay, this is really long and I'm really tired. Maybe I'll finish the story sometime. Maybe I won't. I don't care.

It's twelve minutes into my birthday.

I HAS A WII

So, I decided to take my laptop, and am now home, and tomorrow afternoon, I'll be caucusing, and maybe by the end of the day tomorrow I'll be back in Boston. I hope. Because I only brought two sets of clothes, and I used one today.

But yeah, I opened birthday presents last night. I got that Wii I've been asking for since last Christmas (though only got serious about this Christmas), alongside Super Mario Galaxy. I also got myself a Wii Point card so I could buy some Virtual Console games, and I got myself the first Kirby game, and Pokemon Snap. Can't play Snap yet, though. I unfortunately do not have the classic controller peripheral, and I didn't bring my gamecube controllers.

If I'd known, I'd have brought my gamecube home with me. I packed lightly, seeing as I expected to bring more stuff back to Boston than I took home.

I also got Across the Universe on dvd. I've been checking out the special features and stuff, since Wii-playing has made my back sore. Seriously, I worked up a sweat playing boxing on the Wii sports that came with the system.

Oh, and I got a pair of gym shorts. I'd expected to mention that without getting myself into a good segue, but that transition actually kind of made sense. Which is kind of sad, because I like avoiding any segue between two seemingly-unrelated bits of information. Unless I'm using a list, but this is all off-the-cuff, stream-of-consciousness, word-hyphen-word type of stuff.

If you've read this far, congratulations. Sometimes, I'm surprised anyone reads this stuff at all, but every time I think that, someone comments out of the blue, and I pretend more people care than actually let on.

Right now, after a good week of classes and getting precisely what I wanted for my birthday (seriously, I was dreaming about getting a Wii, and have been doing so for a while), I'm in a "way too self-important for my own good," so the only thing I can do to stem this self-inflation is to remind myself that the only people who'd read this probably don't actually want me to know that they're reading. Sometimes I think I can see it in their eyes. I've occasionally seen the precise difference between a person's reaction to me the day before and the day after a particular entry.

And it's bad because if I'm feeling particularly good about myself, and I do something stupid, it's far more likely to ruin my day than a balanced day where the unlucky stuff is about equal to the lucky stuff. Just one stupid thing in a full twenty-four hours of absolute joy can make me wish I could just go to sleep and end the day early.

I may not be mentally stable. I should go to the school's counseling service or something. I keep meaning to. I always mean to, but I often don't have time for it. Like, last semester I would totally have gone to the counselor a bunch of times, but I was most depressed right in the last few weeks. And not only did I view it as too late in the semester to start going (not sure why this was logical, but oh well), but the primary reason for me being depressed was the strong possibility that my poor work ethic would translate into academic suspension.

Unfortunately, my good work ethic this semester is to blame for me not getting there so far. Because I've spent most of my free time during the week reading for my American Novel class. Maybe I'll have more time when I'm not reading Moby Dick. I don't know. I should stop writing and get back to other things...

Already worrying about withdrawal symptoms...

I've got to take the bus to get home tomorrow. No way in hell I can do it otherwise.

And so I've got to face the prospect of bus travel. Specifically, packing to go on the bus.

Every single time I've taken the bus home, it's been the most annoying experience I've ever had. Usually, part of the stress was getting on the bus with all of my stuff. Because normally I have to pack to go home for extended periods of time, I've had to pack to go home for that amount of time.

Which generally means my big suitcase that manages to not only not carry that much, but take up space in the most awkward fashion imaginable. And it doesn't compress that much. My parents did not think this gift through very well when they got it for me, way back in the way back of time.

Luckily, this time I'm probably going to be able to go with just my backpack, and maybe my computer case. Which brings me to my title for this entry, because bringing my computer with me would mean carrying two bags. One with clothes, the other with my computer.

Only one of those is actually necessary for my survival this weekend. Even though there's plenty of stuff to do on the computer over the weekend. I just... I really feel like I should just bring my clothes, Moby Dick, and maybe a notebook or something.

Except I suppose I need the computer with me. I don't know.

It may be the only thing keeping me sane. Seriously, I'm going insane. Or maybe I'm just turning normal, who knows. All I know is that I've managed to find myself not bored to tears at the end of my American Novel class every single time. Okay, usually I'm a little bored at the end, but somehow... Okay, as a measure, the teacher usually plans to give the class a break at the hour mark in a 1h45m class. Now, since I don't have a watch, I consistently wait for this break, and it often doesn't come. But here's the kicker; when the end of class comes, I usually assume that we've reached that 1-hour mark. I'm a little bored, but bored for 1 hour of literature class, not for the 1 hour and forty-five minutes. That's a huge difference for me.

It's actually kind of similar in my Comedy class, but I'm pretty sure the teacher ends class early. Sometimes I notice it in my Poetry and Drama classes, at least if I'm not part of the discussion in any great way.

I think I may have figured out why I fixate on one particular girl at a time. But I don't particularly want to discuss it. I'll just say that the mental mechanism can backfire and suddenly I've developed a crush on every girl I've spoken to over the past month.

I'm not saying things are like that, but I'd be really scared of myself in any kind of relationship as I think about it...

I need to do my laundry.

So, tomorrow I'm heading home for the weekend, probably getting back to Boston on Sunday. Gotta caucus, seeing as my mom's kind of running my hometown's caucus. It's going to be uncomfortable. It might be tedious. I see some long and otherwise pointless debating going on. It's going to bother me.

However, I've also got to do my laundry tonight some time, so I'm not spending my morning doing that, and maybe I can work out tomorrow instead. And I could even pack up tonight before I even go to sleep.

Of course, there is some kind of discussion going on in my room that I probably don't want to interrupt for a little bit.

I should probably mention to my roommate that I'm going to be gone for the weekend. Maybe I'll get to it before this ends up imported to my facebook and I don't have to tell anyone.

Which brings me to how, since the point at which I started this blog, the facebook importing software has improved so that it now actually imports just a few hours after I post, rather than all at once every time I attempt to import.

I'm considering turning that feature off, just because I turned it on thinking it'd be less efficient. Effecient.

Yeah, I don't know how that word is spelled at this point. I'm so bored.

Next Thursday, at this time, I'll be in a stupor. Possibly. Who knows, I might just be mildly inebriated.

You'd think I'd get angrier about something else...

But what's pissed me off more than anything else that's happened to me recently is the fact that my glasses fell apart for no good reason. I think a screw came loose, and I don't have the technology to screw it back in. It resulted in a lense falling out.

Now I don't have glasses until I figure something out. I'm notoriously bad at finding out stuff like this out. I can come up with theories for the universe, hell, come up with entire workable universes, but I can't come up with a theory to fix my glasses.

I'd buy a repair kit, but it still doesn't address how that particlar screw managed to come loose right now...

Oh, and...

I decided to shave my beard after classes today.

It was getting to the point where I was obsessively stroking it. And when I wasn't, I was keenly aware of its existence.

Basically, whenever I'm keenly aware of a particular style choice of mine, I have to change it. I can't get comfortable if I'm constantly noticing it.

Meanwhile, I have to read a bunch of Moby Dick by tomorrow afternoon.

Hopefully, I'll get enough of it done to be able to go to the gym tomorrow. Though my back is still sore from Monday, so that might not happen anyway...

I have made a huge mistake...

Okay, I might not have made a huge mistake, but I can't shake the feeling that the s**t is about to hit the fan. And then splatter all over me and no one else.

To make a metaphor almost look analogous to something, I was playing this dominoes-based flash game where I guess the objective was to make sure every piece was properly connected. They never really explained what was going on in it, but basically, I ended up with one piece that I couldn't connect anymore, because I'd put myself in a corner where I couldn't fit another domino before I'd figured this out.

So when I say that I think I'm in trouble, I'm thinking this kind of situation, where I've backed myself into a corner without really knowing what I was doing.

Seriously.

Take the last train to Clarksville...

So apparently I used the word "adverts" in my previous entry. I'm sure it sounded correct at the time, but looking back on it... Well, frankly, I want to punch myself, but it wouldn't make much difference because I don't want to punch myself now, but while I was writing that, or before.

So right now, I'm sitting around trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to write not only a fake presentation on what has now become the human genome project, but also use that project to make one of my characters be a narcisstic douchebag.

It's harder than it looks, because I've probably got to have at least one character who did the research. And I haven't actually done the research.

I'll try to see if I can get someone to help me out in class later.

Which, unfortunately, I just realized happens to be in a half-hour, so I probably shouldn't be lollygagging. So I guess I won't be able to explain the almost-sex dream I had last night. It's kind of funny in hindsight, but it was awkward to wake up from...

If you want it, come and get it...

I used to use random lines off the top of my head for my subject lines in my livejournal, but later on I started just using whatever line had just been sung in whatever song I happened to be listening to.

I'm in a bit of a video game slump. I can't get my hands on a Wii. They don't have any. Anywhere. And I can't play my gamecube, because, well, I actually haven't been able to use the tv in our suite since my return from vacation. I've snuck in a couple of hours of television, but for the most part, it's entirely been movies and XBox360 since the beginning of the semester.

All I've got is Final Fantasy 12: Revenant Wings. Which is actually a really cool game. It's hard as f*** (I've got google adverts down at the bottom of the page, and they may very well start paying me for them sometime, so I'm using clean language), but it's good. I knew that when I was finding the first chapter to be too hard for me. It's been like that ever since; I end up stuck on a level that's particularly hard for me.

I got a player's guide for it much earlier than I normally do, for this exact purpose. Though, unfortunately, even that manages to get a couple of levels wrong.

Evilly wrong.

Angst

It's amazing how often I can just completely obsess about one girl for so long that she could quite possibly forget who I am. Seriously, I've documented it in my old livejournal, and it's as reliable a cycle as the one that makes it rain. Can't remember the name of that one, don't particularly care to.

What's truly bothersome is when, in the middle of me getting signals that she doesn't even care if I exist, she butts in and acts like we're close friends. Yet when I try to do the same thing, I get nothing.

Seriously, as it stands right now, I'm probably in the worst position I've been in, because I've basically got all the classes I want, a general sense of cameraderie with the other people in my classes, and yet I've got an albatross around my neck that's making me feel like getting into a drunken stupor as soon as possible would actually be a good idea. All because she doesn't actually seem to want to talk to me, and I've tried too many times to think it'd be a good idea to try again.

Okay, I think that's somewhat out of my system. I don't really have more to say about that anyway.

Today I should wash my sheets, and then go to the gym. Oh, and buy that last book for my Drama writing class. And email my last assignment to the teacher. And then check the latest assignment. And finish writing that sketch for my Comedy class. And read the poems, and the article, for my Poetry class.

Wow... I didn't realize just how much stuff that was until I wrote it out. Well, okay, quite a few of those things could be accomplished after my American Novel class. It's just a much bigger load than I expected...

I'll try to get all the way through this...

You see, as my computer is being slow today (and I mean really slow, I have to wait a second just to start scrolling on every single webpage I visit, and two seconds to click any links), I might not have the energy to finish this, but I really just want to write an entry.

So, next Monday I'll have my 21st birthday. Of course, I won't be able to celebrate by drinking into a stupor immediately that night, as I have class in the morning. However, the following weekend I'll probably be in a constant drunken state. I guess.

I haven't really celebrated my birthday much at all since before middle school. I've had the occasional party, but nothing truly celebratory. I just feel like, to have any kind of celebration, I'd have to organize it myself, and I'm not really that interested in it. Besides, a birthday party shouldn't really be about the person having the birthday celebrating.

I really have no idea what I'm talking about right now. I guess I'm just trying to shirk responsibility. All I know is, if I buy myself a cake, I feel like an ass. I'm just going to feel more depressed than I already am if I take control of my own birthday, so it's just going to be another day unless someone decides otherwise.

Meanwhile, I've got to go home for the Maine caucus on the tenth, right before my birthday. My mom's running the local Democratic caucus, so I'm kind of obligated to vote there, rather than in Boston.

I think I'm pretty much going with Obama. Hillary Clinton manages to be a centrist who's pre-alienated a lot of people. So, basically, she's got everyone on the other side to not like her while also maintaining a close position to those people on most issues. Whereas Obama's got people on the other side to like him, while most of his positions are far more liberal.

Plus, he's kind of like what Kennedy was supposed to be back in the 60s. And I kind of wish I'd been in the 60s.

It's not so much that the computer stops registering my typing, but that it finishes loading and all of my typing comes in as if I was the one who'd stopped. And sometimes I can get pretty far ahead of the computer. But I have no idea why this is happening. It looks like someone else is typing and I'm watching in real-time. It's disturbing.

I'm back

Okay, so here's the deal; my life's been boring since my last post. Not much seems to happen.

Then, because I was feeling depressed, I decided I'd read over my old livejournal. You know, to get more depressed.

Anyway, I realized that, as much as it was all a repetitive exercise in varying degrees of depression, some interesting stuff came out of working on that. As long as I kept updating it, I was a little more sane, too. As long as I thought about what I was doing, it was good.

Of course, I don't actually want to restart my livejournal, so I went back to this thing. I hadn't logged into this for so long that I couldn't even remember the password, and neither could my computer.

Of course, I'm going to have to keep these short for now. My computer's been so slow lately that I can't even keep typing for a minute or two without it stopping to catch up, which is really annoying. Hell, the internet connection's been really bad all around lately.

Ah, well. More later.