You know what?

I'm tired and lonely and I can't sleep and I really want to go make an appointment with the school counselor as soon as possible because talking to myself is not cutting it and I don't particularly want to talk to the people who know me because the people who know me well enough for me to think they'd understand me are the people I don't want to burden with my depression and the people who I'd feel comfortable unloading on are the people who would be most awkward in any help they could offer, and really, I just want to stop alternating between wild delusion and debilitating depression, because that's exactly what I'm constantly doing, and so far my writing is the only thing that's distracting me, and I can't be doing that all the time because sometimes I have to be thinking about what to write next, or thinking about what I'm going to do next in my life and I can't concentrate on any bit of writing that I have that's more than a couple pages long, and even though my biggest goal in life is to write a novel I get so depressed over outside forces that really have nothing to do with my writing that I stop, and really what I'd like to be able to do is to show what I'm working on to other people, and have them admire it honestly, rather than simply politely saying that it's good with me being unable to tell whether they meant it or not, because I just constantly feel like no one knows what I do, like every actual effort that I make tends to go unnoticed, and I feel like when I do pop out of the background it's not a positive, but that I'm sticking out like a sore thumb, which is really not nearly the kind of metaphor I'd want to use, but I needed to think of something because I think my roommate's preparing to go to bed and I really don't want to move my computer.