Laws of Nature

• The Law of Pie-- Otherwise known as the Law of Monkeys. As it is impossible for a human mind to be truly random, any attempt at randomness from a human being will result in a particular thought process. The first step is to come up with one of three categories: Food, Animals, and Celebrities. The subject will then attempt to pick out what they believe is the most random object of the three categories. For food, the basic object is always pie. For animals, it is monkeys. For celebrities, it will be different for every person, though that person will always pick the same one. Only by recognizing this law can it be broken. (By the way, my celebrity is Tony Danza. Which is fairly odd, considering I've never actually seen him in anything, aside from in clips from his tv shows, shown on other shows).
• Law of Tiredness vs. Emotion-- This rule is quite simple; the closer one gets to having his or her body simply shut down and go to sleep where they're standing, the more likely they won't care if their mother's face is blown off in front of them. This is why it's best to watch a horror movie late at night, and a soap opera at around noon. Watching horror movies during the middle of the day will just make it scarier, despite what you may think. Yes, I'm right. Shut up.
• The Inverse Spelling Champ Rule-- The more a person is able to spell words like "Antidisestablishmentarianism" without using a spell-check, the more likely they'll accidentally spell "the" as "teh."
• The "We Won WW2" Rule-- The more times and the more forcefully someone says "If it weren't for America, we'd all be speaking German," the more likely they believe that Russia was one of the Axis powers.
• Addendum to Godwin's Law-- The more an online person is afraid they're going to lose the discussion, the quicker they'll claim to have won the argument by invoking Godwin's Law and claiming that comparing something to Hitler is a way of losing the argument, despite Godwin's Law actually regarding teh comparisons as perfectly valid.
• The Rule of Fandom-- Even if the creator of the original work believes the change makes the new version better, a group of fans of the original version will disagree and vow to kill anyone who thinks otherwise. See: H2G2 (film version), Star Wars (Special Edition/Prequels).
• Law of Lists-- A list of short pieces of information and entertainment will hold a person's attention for far longer than an essay. See: VH1 (pretty much the entire programming schedule), This blog (this entry).