I'm so thirsty...

This is not a serious political essay. I don't have any new perspectives on the world. They're pretty much all shaped by the opinions of others. I'm what some might call a nodding head, except I nod in quite a few directions, so it looks like I take in a diverse group of opinions. No, this is something rather stupid.

I'm eternally thirsty, like Tantalus. Except instead of being constantly hungry as well, my hunger is constantly being over-sated. Anyway, that part's a completely different rant. No, this is about something far more odd; my constant thirst.

It began in middle school. Well, 7th grade. For some people, that's the middle of middle school, but it was the beginning for me, since my district had a middle school building that was too small for three grades when I was there. Anyway, it began then. I'm not sure why, but I believe I blamed it on the fact that my school had two floors and a basement, so I spent a lot of time running up and down stairs. Compared to my elementary school, which only had one staircase (which was about three steps, and right next to the handicapped ramp), it was like... a very tall staircase, I can't think of a good analogy.

Except it didn't stop when I stopped having to constantly be walking up and down stairs. It didn't stop when I was in high school, and didn't have gym anymore. It hasn't stopped now that I have access to large amounts of liquid refreshment in college, and can spend most of my inter-floor travel on the elevator. It could be that I'm just too fat, but I wasn't really that fat in middle school. Now, of course, I have my favorite brand and flavor of potato chip, but that wasn't part of my life when the thirst began.

My theory is that I'm actually destined to be a vampire, except that the vampire that was supposed to bite me in the seventh grade got lost on his way over the Atlantic, or on the Maine turnpike. So I'm feeling the thirst as destiny intended, but I'm missing the key part of that thirst, which is that it's for blood, because destiny fucked up.

I don't really think that, of course, but I'm indulging myself by writing this whole post, so why not have an absurd theory. Maybe I should do those more often...