I have made a huge mistake...

Okay, I might not have made a huge mistake, but I can't shake the feeling that the s**t is about to hit the fan. And then splatter all over me and no one else.

To make a metaphor almost look analogous to something, I was playing this dominoes-based flash game where I guess the objective was to make sure every piece was properly connected. They never really explained what was going on in it, but basically, I ended up with one piece that I couldn't connect anymore, because I'd put myself in a corner where I couldn't fit another domino before I'd figured this out.

So when I say that I think I'm in trouble, I'm thinking this kind of situation, where I've backed myself into a corner without really knowing what I was doing.

Seriously.

Take the last train to Clarksville...

So apparently I used the word "adverts" in my previous entry. I'm sure it sounded correct at the time, but looking back on it... Well, frankly, I want to punch myself, but it wouldn't make much difference because I don't want to punch myself now, but while I was writing that, or before.

So right now, I'm sitting around trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to write not only a fake presentation on what has now become the human genome project, but also use that project to make one of my characters be a narcisstic douchebag.

It's harder than it looks, because I've probably got to have at least one character who did the research. And I haven't actually done the research.

I'll try to see if I can get someone to help me out in class later.

Which, unfortunately, I just realized happens to be in a half-hour, so I probably shouldn't be lollygagging. So I guess I won't be able to explain the almost-sex dream I had last night. It's kind of funny in hindsight, but it was awkward to wake up from...

If you want it, come and get it...

I used to use random lines off the top of my head for my subject lines in my livejournal, but later on I started just using whatever line had just been sung in whatever song I happened to be listening to.

I'm in a bit of a video game slump. I can't get my hands on a Wii. They don't have any. Anywhere. And I can't play my gamecube, because, well, I actually haven't been able to use the tv in our suite since my return from vacation. I've snuck in a couple of hours of television, but for the most part, it's entirely been movies and XBox360 since the beginning of the semester.

All I've got is Final Fantasy 12: Revenant Wings. Which is actually a really cool game. It's hard as f*** (I've got google adverts down at the bottom of the page, and they may very well start paying me for them sometime, so I'm using clean language), but it's good. I knew that when I was finding the first chapter to be too hard for me. It's been like that ever since; I end up stuck on a level that's particularly hard for me.

I got a player's guide for it much earlier than I normally do, for this exact purpose. Though, unfortunately, even that manages to get a couple of levels wrong.

Evilly wrong.

Angst

It's amazing how often I can just completely obsess about one girl for so long that she could quite possibly forget who I am. Seriously, I've documented it in my old livejournal, and it's as reliable a cycle as the one that makes it rain. Can't remember the name of that one, don't particularly care to.

What's truly bothersome is when, in the middle of me getting signals that she doesn't even care if I exist, she butts in and acts like we're close friends. Yet when I try to do the same thing, I get nothing.

Seriously, as it stands right now, I'm probably in the worst position I've been in, because I've basically got all the classes I want, a general sense of cameraderie with the other people in my classes, and yet I've got an albatross around my neck that's making me feel like getting into a drunken stupor as soon as possible would actually be a good idea. All because she doesn't actually seem to want to talk to me, and I've tried too many times to think it'd be a good idea to try again.

Okay, I think that's somewhat out of my system. I don't really have more to say about that anyway.

Today I should wash my sheets, and then go to the gym. Oh, and buy that last book for my Drama writing class. And email my last assignment to the teacher. And then check the latest assignment. And finish writing that sketch for my Comedy class. And read the poems, and the article, for my Poetry class.

Wow... I didn't realize just how much stuff that was until I wrote it out. Well, okay, quite a few of those things could be accomplished after my American Novel class. It's just a much bigger load than I expected...

I'll try to get all the way through this...

You see, as my computer is being slow today (and I mean really slow, I have to wait a second just to start scrolling on every single webpage I visit, and two seconds to click any links), I might not have the energy to finish this, but I really just want to write an entry.

So, next Monday I'll have my 21st birthday. Of course, I won't be able to celebrate by drinking into a stupor immediately that night, as I have class in the morning. However, the following weekend I'll probably be in a constant drunken state. I guess.

I haven't really celebrated my birthday much at all since before middle school. I've had the occasional party, but nothing truly celebratory. I just feel like, to have any kind of celebration, I'd have to organize it myself, and I'm not really that interested in it. Besides, a birthday party shouldn't really be about the person having the birthday celebrating.

I really have no idea what I'm talking about right now. I guess I'm just trying to shirk responsibility. All I know is, if I buy myself a cake, I feel like an ass. I'm just going to feel more depressed than I already am if I take control of my own birthday, so it's just going to be another day unless someone decides otherwise.

Meanwhile, I've got to go home for the Maine caucus on the tenth, right before my birthday. My mom's running the local Democratic caucus, so I'm kind of obligated to vote there, rather than in Boston.

I think I'm pretty much going with Obama. Hillary Clinton manages to be a centrist who's pre-alienated a lot of people. So, basically, she's got everyone on the other side to not like her while also maintaining a close position to those people on most issues. Whereas Obama's got people on the other side to like him, while most of his positions are far more liberal.

Plus, he's kind of like what Kennedy was supposed to be back in the 60s. And I kind of wish I'd been in the 60s.

It's not so much that the computer stops registering my typing, but that it finishes loading and all of my typing comes in as if I was the one who'd stopped. And sometimes I can get pretty far ahead of the computer. But I have no idea why this is happening. It looks like someone else is typing and I'm watching in real-time. It's disturbing.

I'm back

Okay, so here's the deal; my life's been boring since my last post. Not much seems to happen.

Then, because I was feeling depressed, I decided I'd read over my old livejournal. You know, to get more depressed.

Anyway, I realized that, as much as it was all a repetitive exercise in varying degrees of depression, some interesting stuff came out of working on that. As long as I kept updating it, I was a little more sane, too. As long as I thought about what I was doing, it was good.

Of course, I don't actually want to restart my livejournal, so I went back to this thing. I hadn't logged into this for so long that I couldn't even remember the password, and neither could my computer.

Of course, I'm going to have to keep these short for now. My computer's been so slow lately that I can't even keep typing for a minute or two without it stopping to catch up, which is really annoying. Hell, the internet connection's been really bad all around lately.

Ah, well. More later.

What My Day Looks Like Tomorrow

Because it's a conglomeration of just how unlucky I am

And I've written about that before.

But yeah, tomorrow, I start off the day with Poetry, and I don't even know what I have to do for that right now.

Then, in Math, I've got a quiz. Which would be easy, except I have no idea if I've retained any of the information, since as good as I am at math, I fall asleep in every class, no matter how much I want to pay attention to the information, or how cool the teacher is (this teacher is just okay, but I was falling asleep in AP Calculus and the teacher then was fricken awesome). Also, I haven't gotten the textbook for the class yet. Incredible, huh?

Oh, and then I've got Non-fiction. I've got to lead a discussion on a somewhat bland piece, and probably have some knowledge of one of the other pieces we'll be discussing, I really have no idea what we're doing. Not to mention the fact that the piece is just somewhat bland. Which means that it's hard to say precisely why it's not affecting me. If it was good, it would be easy to find the problems, and thus discuss those weaknesses easily. If it was bad, I'd have a treasure trove of weaknesses to discuss, and a strength or two to mention. But it's bland. Which means the strengths and weaknesses are somewhat subtle. And trying to critique things like this make me feel childish for not getting something.

But really, the worst is in Lit Foundations. Never mind the reading that I haven't actually started yet. No, the real problem is that I've got a paper due for the class, too. The class itself shouldn't be that hard, I've survived and stayed awake so far. Not only that, but last year I wouldn't have been this far along in my paper by 10:30 the night before. And as for the reading; if I can at least get some of it done, I should be absolutely golden. The trouble is, it's quite possible that working on this stuff will make the rest of the day worse. If I'm up late finishing this paper, I might not even be able to stay awake through the test. I'd also be unable to keep my thoughts straight during the discussion. But if I don't do this Lit stuff now, I won't have time to take care of the stuff for Non-fiction.

I really should have noticed this earlier. I might have been able to switch out my time slot for leading discussion.